The stand up Nice Guy everyone turns to for help. You never say the word “no”. At the drop of a hat, you’re helping friends and family out with odd jobs in your spare time. You feel good helping others but deep down resent them for never offering to give back. You feel you’re being taken advantage of but don’t have the strength or courage to speak up and stand your ground because you can’t stand confrontation.

Today’s the day you make a change. Click here to find out how

The guy who can never move past the FRIEND ZONE and most of your friends are women. You are frequently listening to their problems and are trying to help them move through challenges in their personal life. They tell you “you’re such a great listener” and that the woman who ends up with you will be the “luckiest girl on the planet”. Despite being who you believe you NEED to be for women to like you, you can’t work out why they are attracted to ‘bad boys’, not nice guys like you.

A heart-centred man who pairs with  women who portray themselves as ‘damsel in distress’.

During the cultivation of these romances, you find great joy in playing the ‘knight in shining armour’ role with these beautiful, yet helpless women. Their inability and lack of capacity to fend for themselves makes you feel wanted, needed and secure. You believe as long as you continue to comfort and soothe them during episodes of emotional distress then they will always need you, which means they would never leave you. This eliminates any chance of them ripping off your scab and exposing the deep child-hood abandonment wounds within you.

A trip to the bar for another drink, a walk to the bedroom for another wank, or a scavenge through a dating app for another superficial sexual encounter. Any substance or behaviour which has you chasing the highs to avoid the inevitable lows, that will temporarily allow you to distract yourself from intolerable feelings and emotions you have been attempting to dodge life-long.

Moments of solitude scare the fuck out of you and trigger frantic attempts to numb yourself with substances, distract yourself with business or call a friend to fill the gaps in your day so you’re not confronted by having to face your inner demons.

You’re attracted to drop-dead gorgeous women who are extremely sexy, seductive and intoxicating. Your relationships begin with an explosion of intimacy and passion. You can’t keep your hands off each other. She’s like no one you have ever met before. She looks at you with an adoring gaze like you could do no wrong. Then not long after the honeymoon period, you begin to see some incongruence in her behaviour, which you choose to turn a blind eye to, and just about the time you knew something was off with this girl it was too late; you’d already drunk her poison and were under her spell. She strategically learned what was beneath the bravado persona you presented to the world and hooked her claws in your fragmented sense-of-self where you are now under her every hypnotic command.

You wrestle with a come here/go away, I love you/I hate you dynamic. Your neediness is pushing her further away each and every day. You began as what you thought was a pretty confident guy and now you’re nothing but a shell of a man.

The only way you can seem to move on is to try and date other women which feels even more empty because you continue to compare the connection and chemistry you shared with your ex.

The BAD BOY who gives off the impression of confidence and self- assurance. Your short fuse and intimidation acts ensure no one messes with you and that you usually get what you want, giving you a false sense of power. Anger is an emotion which fuels you and ensures today, as an adult, you are noticed, respected and even feared. It also means that you keep people at arm’s length, preventing them from seeing how deeply insecure and weak you really are.

Women are initially attracted to your strong personality, confidence and a sense of certainty, until they see how deeply wounded, insecure and emotionally fragile you truly are at the core.

This has them walking away, leaving you feeling anxious, lost and in frantic attempts to sabotage things for her with the next guy so she will come back to you.